Personal Post: Weight Update

tapeparade red skirt black crop top losing weight tape measure measuringYou may remember back in February I wrote this lengthy post about my struggles to lose weight. After being the same shape and size for about 8 years I had suddenly gained a lot of weight. So many of you left such lovely and supportive comments – it was such a help to me and I really appreciated it! It’s been about four months so I thought I’d post an update – and I warn you now, this is the least positive post I’ve ever shared!

I initially lost a stone, but unfortunately in the last two months going on tour has taken a big toll. No exercise, drinking every night, very little walking around, no control over my schedule and daily fried breakfasts had to end up somewhere. I’m now back to the same weight I was in January. Oh my GOD!!!!! I’m sad and ashamed to not have any better news to update you with. I’m hoping by admitting to my awfulness and guilt here it will spur me on further, so that next time I post I’ll be bearing happier news.

As before, I feel a bit like the odd one out in a sea of miracle bloggers losing weight left, right and centre. Fitness has become a thing people pin and instagram – and it’s difficult. We can’t all afford personal trainers, snazzy gym kit, or even gym membership. I initially found a combination of swimming, MyFitnessPal and telling everybody I know to be harsher to me helped. Earlier this year I was avoiding looking at photos of myself when I was younger because I was so horrified at how much fatter I am now – but recently I’ve been forcing myself to really examine those TimeHop and Facebook moments. Disguising the weight gain in public with smock dresses is one thing; but disguising it to myself isn’t going to get me anywhere.
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I’m trying to comprehend the fact that I’ve now been overweight for 6 months of my life – 6 entire months of feeling like a whale and not recognising my own body – and it kind of disgusts me. I rarely feel this way – I pride myself on taking action and I’m not the kind to sit by and accept situations I don’t feel comfortable in, so I feel like I’ve failed myself. As you may know this happened a few months ago  as well – so not only do I look different but I’m actually acting differently because I’m seeing differently. I last wore glasses when I was a teenager, and it takes me straight back. It’s complicated – and not a great mind-set for being productive and positive about losing weight.

I’m not thrilled about this negative post and I hope you know this is very out of character, but I’m sharing as I think it’s important. I just wanted to be honest I guess; I owe it to myself to face reality. I hope if any of you are trying to lose weight this  may provide inspiration for what NOT to do and how NOT to let yourself think. I’m posting this in the hope that I can confide in you all, and I’m determined to post some happier and skinnier news next time. Fingers crossed!

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8 thoughts on “Personal Post: Weight Update

  1. Denise says:

    Dear Laila, it’s a very nice post anyway – because you are feeling you have to do something and that you are different now, not your body, but inside yourself. Well, please, don’t be too hard on yourself – there are things that are needed to show us that we can prevail. And weight is one of the things, you can win the battle. I was thin or thinner a few years ago, then I lost control, I guess you know why, and 4 years later I am a completely different person, inside ad out. And now I have lost 8 lbs. Not a lot, not a stone, but it’s a beginning. I believe that little by little I will go back to my previous self and so are you – but please, keep faith. Little by little is better than in 2 months. I know you have many friends, but if there’s anything I can do, to encourage you to stay positive, please tell me! One more thing: people tell me the same, but I guess it’s true: you many not recognize yourself, you may not accept the way you are now, but you are gorgeous and what counts more is your soul. If you were 200 lbs I would have to disagree, cause it’s not healthy, but com’on, it’s a stone. Just don’t be too harsh with you, you will lose it, I am sure!


  2. Kim says:

    I appreciate your honesty, I’m also still struggling being healthy and active takes planning and discipline which are not my strongest attributes, but I got healthy before so I know I can do it again :) I know in the mean time even though I don’t really recognize myself or like what I look like, I need to be nicer to myself while I try to get back on track :)
    so just don’t be so hard on yourself and celebrate your victories no matter how small :)


  3. Daisy (@prettygreentea) says:

    I’m in a similar situation. We can do this!

    Let me share something which has helped me. Firstly, having smoothies and juices for breakfast has been good. It’s meant I’ve stopped having toast (with my favourite favourite Marmite) and I’ve felt lighter and more awake. Of course, sometimes you need something a little more so mid-morning nuts or chia seeds can be good. Nakd bars go down well too, especially after the gym.

    I’ve also stopped having wheat over the last 2/3 weeks. It’s more to do with a skin problem I’ve been having but I’ve really noticed a difference in both my skin and my weight. I generally feel less bloated and heavy which really helps with motivation to keep going.

    I’ve also taken a photo of myself front, back and side 2 months ago now. I plan to take another one to compare in 4 weeks times.

    Good luck and feel free to drop me a message if you want to encourage each other.


    • tapeparade says:

      Daisy this is so useful!!! Thank you! I’m going to cut out wheat as well I think – I did a couple years back for singing purposes and I didn’t notice any effect then on weight, but then again I wasn’t looking! I tend to eat a lot of bread and sandwiches so that would probably really help to cut back on.
      Taking photos is a great idea too as it helps to push on the motivation! :)x


  4. Reshma says:

    I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. And I’ve actually be about 10 lbs above my “normal” weight for at least a year now. I do try to workout… but I know what you mean daily life and especially when you are around other people who are drinking and eating unhealthy… it’s hard to stay on track. Stress is also a major factor. And I just haven’t been able to get back to my normal weight.
    I think it’s great that you wrote this post. In fact, I write in my journal often and sometimes documenting it there helps push me into gear (atleast for a short time) I’ve actually be needing to get back on track after a crazy week of eating unhealthy, but now I’m looking forward to my vacation but also a bit hesitant since I haven’t lost any weight like I had planned to.
    The one thing that’s helped me a lot in the past is just documenting. I don’t weight myself daily… maybe once every 2 weeks or so. I just document my mood, what I’ve eaten, and any exercise I’ve had time to squeeze in. Maybe that will help you too. Weight is a very personal thing, but I just wanted to say… you really look very healthy and beautiful! :)


  5. GYPSI says:

    You are being so hard on yourself! Sometimes, it’s ok to step back and be like “Ok, shit’s been cray…lets reset.” Losing weight and taking better care of yourself is a LIFESTYLE choice, which means you have to change huge chunks of your life in order to make it work. That’s a process and a half. I’m still struggling with many of those changes (a year after my own post on wanting to lose weight. My relationship to food, time management, physical activity and even the relationship I have with myself are in the process of changing. It’s a journey. But try to remember to be kind to yourself and maybe reframe the way you think about getting fit. Don’t try to lose weight because you hate your body, but because you love it and you want it to thrive. Doing that has made the choice to turn down the second beer or go to yoga class so much easier, because their choices that are good for me and will make me happier and healthier in the long run. Sometimes changing your mindset changes everything.

    But I’m right there with you, sister. The struggle is real.


    • tapeparade says:

      Thank you so much for your kind comment Elle. Shit has been cray and I’ve hit that reset button – glad to say I’m doing better now and will hopefully be back to normal soon :) xx


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