What It’s Like Not Being White

mixed race all the places people think I'm from what it's like not being white
tindereditedI received the above opening line on Tinder last week. I quickly posted it to Facebook with the comment “Just so we are all clear, “you don’t strike me as English” is not an acceptable chat-up line”. My initial reaction was shock and disbelief along with a weary resignation. Amongst the 60-odd likes on were a number of comments which were largely jokey. I can play along to a degree, but the thing is: I wasn’t joking. It’s not an acceptable line.

I’m mixed race. I was born in London. I have a non-Caucasian name. I have brown skin and thick dark brown hair. My name and my colouring, two aspects of myself which I have no control over and were mere circumstances at birth, have far too often become the sole distinguishing features that people latch on to. These features single me out as not being white. Though 13% of the UK and 40.2% of London are not white, being not white still means I am different.

I am reminded daily in the way people talk about me or to me and by the assumptions implicit in conversations. I’ve long been resigned to how things are, but the anger I feel about this is growing. I am made to feel strange and unusual; I am made to feel “other”. I am literally forced to identify myself as “other”, because I am “Mixed Other” on the drop down menu of racial backgrounds on HR forms and the national census.

I take the piss out of this a lot. I jokingly describe myself as being “foreign” or “ethnic” because the alternate option is to wait for that label to come from somewhere else, probably somewhere with fewer laughs. I take the piss, because otherwise I would be too angry to do anything. mixed race all the places people think I'm from what it's like not being white 4The older I get, the more exhausting it is to laugh this stuff off; casual racism, instant stereotypes, pre-assigned tropes. I am in disbelief that things don’t seem to change despite more people calling it out. I call it out every time whether it’s a friend, a colleague or somebody I’ve just met. The more I call it out, the more aware I become of the fact that these race-based assumptions are deeply ingrained into our society, so much so that people often aren’t aware they hold these assumptions. People deny that their remarks were meant to cause offence; I’m sure they weren’t, but it doesn’t change what’s been said and assumed. Nobody wants to think of themselves as racist.

The more I call it out, the more I’m told I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I’m tired of being told that if I want to take something intended innocently as a racist remark, then that is my issue to deal with and that the problem lies with me. It’s never the problem of the person who made the remark: they didn’t intend any offence and so do not accept offence caused. I’m fed up with being told that I’m trying to draw attention to myself, that I take things too seriously, that I should have picked a less visible career instead of placing myself on stages. I’m fed up with trying to patiently explain to everybody why their words might hurt. I’m tired of hearing that people’s other non-white friends have never called them out, so what’s my problem?

I’m not an angry person, and I tend to see humour in all situations, but not being white feels more and more like a daily slog I can’t turn off. I’m writing this post so that you see why it might get frustrating. You’re probably thinking, what kind of incidents is she referring to? What comments does she call out? How bad can it really be in 2015? Well, let me try to paint a picture.

mixed race all the places people think I'm frm what it's link not being white 23When participating on the panel at a Q and A session I noticed my name had been spelt as Lola on my name badge. Lola is not my name. On informing the event assistant she replied “Well it’s close, isn’t it? We’ll leave it at that as people know how to pronounce THAT name – we don’t want any embarrassing situations”.

At least 50% of the time after people find out I’m a musician they ask immediately if I play Indian music.

I have my teaching details listed on different websites. My profiles are exactly the same, except I created one using my mother’s anglican maiden name and one with my actual surname. The maiden name profile received 75% more interest in the first couple of months. The profile using my fathers surname received 5 separate requests asking if English is my first language and if I can speak enough English to teach, despite the fact the profile was written in English.

Being asked if my vocabulary is sufficient enough to teach Music at GCSE Level in 3 separate job interviews, despite my CV explaining that I am a British national, English is the only language I teach in and that I possess a Masters in Music from a UK institution.

Being described as “beautiful” or “pretty” is always followed by “in an exotic way” or “you look so tropical” or even “for/despite being brown”. Only twice has a person called me beautiful and just left it at that.

Related “compliments” include, “you could be an Arabian princess”, “do you ever wear one of those scarves? I think they’re sexy”, “can you do a belly dance?”, “you’re like a harem girl”.

Walking past a man wearing a UKIP rosette who shouted “we’ll be getting rid of you soon, love!” and spat on the pavement after me.

The recruitment agency who advised using a picture of me where I looked “brighter” as schools want to employ “a friendly face” – it was a black and white photo (making me look lighter-skinned) rather than the colour one I had provided. Everybody else on the books was white and had a colour photo.

Another man on a bus telling me to “fuck off back where you came from before you blow the bloody place up” before shouting at a fellow passenger “there’s a fucking terrorist on this bus!”. I was holding my bassoon.

Being turned down for a job interview at a school, phoning up to ask for feedback and then being greeted with laughter and “oh! we assumed you didn’t speak English very well” and then more laughter, as though this was hilarious.

About 3 days after our latest election result, two men on the street talking, first said “Cameron’ll send all that gross Asian scum home now” to which the second one replied “Yeah, except them, I like something tropical every now and then” whilst nodding at me.

After listing my role models as Kate Bush and Lindsay Cooper in an interview I was asked “do you have any role models like you? You know…” and then, whilst gesturing to my face “we wanted to play that whole thing up a bit more, you know, it’s an interesting angle.” I’m so happy I provided you with a ready-made interesting angle! God forbid you’d have to find the interest elsewhere, for example my career or business!

On arguing against peoples nationalities being listed after tragedies and fatalities abroad I was rebuffed with “You wouldn’t understand because you’re not a proper nationality.”

School nicknames including Osama, The Terrorist, Paki, Gorilla, Monkey Man, Suicide Bomber, Ahmed, Bollywood, Curry House and Saddam.

Being told by a gross man in a bar that “girls like me” make more money as lapdancers/pole dancers because we look less pasty under bright lights and (again) also look more “exotic”.

Aged 6, local press – “Can we have the little brown girl to sit near the front? It looks better.”

Aged 14, school press – “It needs to look more diverse – Laila, can you come and stand in the front?”, worth pointing out I was the only non-white girl in my year.

Using maps on my phone in Brighton to find a cafe, a guy came up and said “are you looking for the language school?”. I said no and asked if he knew where the cafe was, and he said “Oh! I didn’t realise you spoke English. I thought you were looking for the language school. You know, because of..” and then gestured at my face whilst laughing, as though this was a hilarious mix-up.  mixed race all the places people think I'm frm what it's like not being white2 THINGS I HEAR ALL THE TIME:

“So where are you really from?”

“So where are your parents from?”

“You’re obviously not English”

“When did you come to this country?”

“Do you feel part of British society then?”

“I just think brown girls are more interesting.” – most recently heard from somebody 5 months into a relationship

“So you don’t really have a race? What kind of a person are you?”

“Do you still consider yourself a person even though you don’t have a country?”

“Well, obviously you don’t count because you’re brown/ethnic/mixed” etc or “You wouldn’t understand because you’re brown/ethnic/mixed” etc

“Are you vegetarian for religious reasons?” – a question never asked of my vegetarian white friends when we eat together

“You wouldn’t say that if you had a country of your own.”

“You’re so dark and mysterious, it’s like you’re a stranger from another land.”

“I’ve always liked exotic girls” – again most recently heard from somebody 6 months into a relationship

It’s like, when you go out with somebody from another country it makes your whole life feel more tropical, you get that tropical holiday feeling. You’re basically like going on a holiday.” mixed race all the places people think I'm frm what it's link not being white

One or two of these incidents could be brushed off as an unfortunate confusion, but when it happens week in and week out I become jaded. I can’t comment for everybody that’s not white, and much of the above is coupled with being a girl or being mixed race, two things which I could post about separately. I do seem to get more comments than a lot of my non-white friends, so maybe I just come across like a particularly antagonistic member of society who needs taking down a peg. But from my perspective it just seems like there is a huge amount of racism that I have to navigate on a daily basis, and at no juncture do I have the luxury of going about my life without my heritage challenged and called into question.

A lot of the assumptions can easily be avoided by re-wording questions. “How long have you lived in this area?” will get the same information as “When did you come to this country?” without implying that I’ve moved here from somewhere else. “What kind of musician are you?” lets me explain myself as opposed to guessing with “Oh, Indian music? Like in Bollywood?”, and if you’re genuinely interested, why not put “Why don’t you eat meat?” to everybody in the group rather than singling me out and assuming I’m religious? It’s simple wording and phrasing, but it’s wording a lot of people have probably never had to think about, because they have never been on the receiving end of it of that particular line of questioning.

From now on I’m going to broadcast every time I encounter a racist comment or scenario – call it out with me if you like on twitter (@tapeparade) or facebook (www.facebook.com/tapeparade101 and www.facebook.com/lailawoozeer). I hope people are aware of it, and I hope at some point, people will call themselves out on what they say, and do, and eventually they’ll have to start calling themselves out before they say or do anything but when they even think that way. But until then I’ll keep calling it out.

764 thoughts on “What It’s Like Not Being White

  1. Piarve says:

    Hey, no you are not the only one. I have been having conversations surrounding this with my non-white friends and I didn’t realise how much being a different colour would affect how people approach me in the ‘real world’ (post school).

    Iv heard of many people who have changed their names on their CV to sound more British and they receive more interview call backs.

    Meeting people for the first time is always interesting, because they feel like they know more about your background than yourself. E.g. I explained to someone of my African background and the reply was ‘yes, I read a book about the Congo, oh the poverty is just crazy, yet they survive it’. It’s imposible to run away from sterotypes.

    Sorry long comment. This issue angers me too and I’m glad you posted something about it.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Kayla says:

    “What’s it like to be an Oreo” a question I have received on multiple occasions as if I’m some sort of cookie and not a human being. Just because I’m brown skinned ( mixed with Mexiacan and Dominican and living in Northeastern America) and speak proper and not “ghetto” like the majority brown skinned community. Being the only brown skinned girl living in an all white suburb. I feel where you are coming from. This isn’t an issue that is found in a singular country but worldwide as if being white skinned and female means you’re more superior.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Lix H. says:

    This is so gross and so not surprising at the same time, which makes it even grosser. I wish we could all get over our special snowflake white person syndrome and realize that hurting someone and assuming things is not a birthright and us getting called out is necessary and not worse than the hurt we cause. There’s so much society ingrains in people and not being racist is a constant, everyday process of unlearning that bullshit and I’m tired of people being shitty and putting their “right” to be a dick above other people’s humanity. I’m tweeting out this post and I want to punch all the people you mentioned in the fucking face.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Matt Williams says:

    You are beautiful, and let’s leave it at that.
    Regarding the unknowing and careless racism that we face everyday – to people who have never experienced being a racial minority it seems ‘pretty inoffensive’ and ‘harmless’ in isolation, but for non-whites it builds and builds on us over the years like dental plaque, until it becomes an invisible ingrained measure of your second-class status that can debilitate you without even conscious thought.
    I wrote a blog post as a reaction to the racist ranting on the subway by that young woman a couple of years back. It is primarily about growing up as a mixed race kid in a white working class area and writing it made me revisit some of the things I had accepted and even done as a child that people need to see in themselves.
    You may find it interesting, and I’d be interested in your thoughts

    Liked by 3 people

    • americangritty says:

      I experienced racial riots in Miami during the 80s at 12 years old I fears for my life because I looked white. I was terrified of Blacken for years to follow after seeing people murdered in the streets … Because they were not black. Latinos and whites … Including innocent children were murdered because of racism

      Liked by 1 person

  5. reshma83 says:

    Thanks for sharing this post Laila. My sister is super fair and has light brown hair. People typically don’t believe that we are sisters and she had a tough time when she went off to college. Mainly because they Indian students typically thought she must be “mixed”. It was hard for me to really understand what she was feeling and dealt with on a regular basis. Sometimes I do think people are just out right rude and inconsiderate, but I also think sometimes it’s due to just plain ignorance. So I do think that starting this conversation and making people more aware of how their actions and words have an effect on someone else is extremely important. Again, thanks for sharing this post.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. fos says:

    Hi Laila,
    I read your post, and I think I get it but I don’t really get it – initially, probably cause I’m white. Secondly, because the Tinder message you got has also happened to me a boatload of times and I thought nothing of it. Thirdly, because though it is absolutely your prerogative to feel whatever way you feel ( and I can’t imagine how since, as I’ve said, I’m white) you’ve written this post on what seems to be a “straw that broke the camel’s back” attitude, I’m assuming based on the fact that you’ve felt discriminated against a whole lot, and not just on this Tinder message.

    I can’t imagine that. I’m empathetical towards you, and it’s awful that people should make you feel “other” based on your skin color or name. But if you read your Tinder message without your eyes, without your hurt, without your bias and without your past experiences to inform your feelings, could you be that you read into it a little?

    I’m Italian, and I’m a musician too – when guys assume my (foreign) name and my (dark, mediterranean) complexion are not British, I go yup, want to know my story?

    Liked by 1 person

    • tapeparade says:

      I haven’t really written this post on a “straw that broke the camel’s back” – the Tinder experience provided me with a relevant, recent, JPEG-able lead-in, but a lot of this post has been in my drafts for a long time. It’s something I’ve needed to articulate for a while and the Tinder comment spurred me on.

      I’m sure you can read that Tinder comment innocently, but that’s exactly what I’m trying to raise awareness of this piece. Nobody is trying to cause hurt. Nobody wants to be a racist. But it is so deeply ingrained into people interact and what people assume and take notice of that it’s hard to point out all the time because it is literally, all the time. I’m trying to call it out every single time I see it because I don’t think there’s enough awareness of it.

      I actually called out your attitude in the post – making out that I’m the one with the problem, that I’m being too sensitive and that I’m reading too much into things. It’s not about being ashamed of my story or not wishing to ask – it’s being targeted about my heritage straight off. If you had a more anglican name and a Caucasian appearance, do you think people would still assume you weren’t British? Sometimes name and appearance are indicative of a varied ethnicity but my chagrain is with the fact that people assume that, straight off, with no basis of evidence (name and appearance are not evidence) and that those assumptions then feed into other things like stereotypical prejudices that come into play straight away.

      Liked by 5 people

  7. Mr. Deadman says:

    I’m a white man. As a white man, the question of ethnicity becomes nonexistent, and being an American make is almost laughable. I do have heritage, though not a lot I can be proud of without the cost of someone else.

    Being a white man that is self aware of the costs and hurt associated by my ancestors. It isn’t easy either. It would be if I was an ass about it, I suppose.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Mr. Deadman says:

        Are you infering that you’re the only one with difficulties brought on by mix of cultures and ethnicities? And not infering in the slightest that you’re and ass. Don’t need to be on such guard with every white male you speak to.

        Liked by 1 person

      • tapeparade says:

        I’m not at all trying to infer that I’m the only one with difficulties, as addressed in the post. And I’m not being on guard, I was asking you to clarify your comment as I genuinely didn’t understand what you were trying to say. We all have to live with the weight of our past, but it doesn’t affect all of us in our day to day lives.

        Liked by 2 people

    • battleofalma says:

      Yes, no one’s life is “easy”, but your response to hearing about prejudices that other’s face that you don’t shouldn’t be “What about *my* problems?”

      Because your problem it seems is “OMG I’ve got so much privilege because my ancestors a White Supremacist society! The guilt and angst!” as opposed to being abused in the street.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mr. Deadman says:

        I guess a simple sorry to hear, would’ve been better?
        I was just showing that as human beings of various appearances and cultures, we are all subject to different not equal, but unique experinces.
        I don’t get made fun of in street, but I do get made fun of a lack of culture. And to have a history where your ancestors were the oppressors, and still are, it is difficult. People assume you’re guilty of a crime you didn’t commit. Once again, not saying it’s identical. Unique.
        The more important dialogue we should be having is how do we heal and mend the hurt so that we can make progress.

        Liked by 2 people

      • tapeparade says:

        As I said in my post, I also get crap for not having any perceived culture. Your ancestors history doesn’t negatively affect you going for jobs, presumably? We all have to deal with what’s happened in the past – no culture or civilisation has a spotless record. I appreciate that you’ve struggled to come to terms with a personal oppressive history, but some of us are still under various forms of oppression, however nuanced and mild it may seem. By not adequately recognising it that oppression is just going to be perpetuated.

        Liked by 1 person

    • tabbyrenelle says:

      Hi Mr. Deadman… as I recall, you were an ass on Jeanne de Montbaston’s blog too. You were exceedingly sexist and wanted to tell women how to “calm” down. And boasted of your ability to do so. It’s no wonder you are here trolling another woman and being equally racist as well. What kind of “investigating” (being that’s your vague profession) are you doing as a white male, really?

      I realize you prefer the lyrical “sound” of women’s voices, as they are more “gentle” and “soothing” to you and see all other voices as “angry” from your comments on Jeanne’s blog, so don’t be afraid.

      Be assured, You don’t have to reply. I’m just noting a pattern in your particular interests regarding women and your need (perceived entitlement) to make comment.

      Liked by 2 people

      • tabbyrenelle says:

        No, you have a style of handling people Mr. Deadman. And you’ve stated so on Jeanne’s blog. When hyper masculine men make you feel bad, you are drawn to the gentleness of women as you’ve written about. This is stereotyping and sexist. And this means that women’s anger and fuller range of expressions is not allowed by you. You calm them down and maybe you think you’re doing it for all the right reasons. Maybe you have to for your investigator job. Maybe you have to for your own personal fear versus safety feelings. But you don’t de-esculate these on-line situations. You create tensions… that’s why I’m arguing your points. There is more of a control in your word choices for the sake of your own comfort, than for that of others (others meaning: women).

        I understand what you intend to sound like but you’re making butt-loads of mistakes “handling” women outside of your “job description” in the same manner. Some situations don’t need your help or sense of entitlement in “de-esculating” them. Women who face systemic sexism and people who face systemic racism, don’t need to be de-esculated. They need to be listened to… and that’s that. That’s the point. We don’t ever move on or heal or fix things or change things by “calming” everyone down.

        But thanks for your willingness to discuss and openness to the critique or your comments.


      • Mr. Deadman says:

        True that I don’t approach everyone the same way. I do use context cues to assist in approach, but it isn’t the overall factor. As a caseworker, I go out into the field with a slither of information making contact with complete strangers that frequently have pages of criminal history, but sometimes not. My approach in every case is to come off as helpful and unerstanding to ease tension and open communication. Do I use stereotypical cues every now and then, yes, but to assist. Mostly though, I read body language and adjust my guard accordingly.

        Stereotypes seed from a kernel of truth, sometimes I happen to find a kernel, most of the time it’s close but not exact. Patterns of behavior categorized by sex, ethnicity, and body type, not all that helpful, but by situation, yes. Most people I encounter are standoff-ish towards me, but they display it differently. It is usually the men that tend to display it in a more aggressive manner. If that makes me sexist, then I guess I am.


      • tabbyrenelle says:

        Hi Mr. Deadman, this article is not about YOU. This article is not about your casework. You’re tangent-ing dreadfully.
        Newsflash: YOU ARE SEXIST in your interactions on line and working with your stereotypes is why you have to ask “But what do we do?” to me in the other comment…. drop your stereotypes and kernels of truth and start actually listening. It’s not about your control of the discussion for your own FUCKING comfort, white man.

        Did my language turn you off just then? Do you want to CALM me down? And if so, why? Why should you?

        This blog article is not about criminal activity. However you need some info about the Massive Incarceration System I think which is systemically racist so here ya go:

        The Future of Race in America: Michelle Alexander at TEDxColumbus

        to read Michelle Alexander’s book The New Jim Crow: The Massive Incarceration System in the Age of Colorblindness free online you can click on the following link: http://communitysuccess.org/sites/default/files/u9/Alexander-The%20New%20Jim%20Crow.PDF

        now, the above info has nothing to do with a biracial woman dealing with racism and sexism, but it may address your focus.

        Please read the book and watch the video and see where you are the problem, because if you don’t you won’t be helping anyone black, or biracial or female… you’ll just be employed, by the man and for the man.


      • Mr. Deadman says:

        I was under the impression that we were open to discuss how stereotypes and how stereotypical thinking affect us. Sorry if I overstepped by sharing my experience. I thought it might be interesting to read how sometimes real life experience minics gender stereotypes and racial stereotypes. My purpose of this dialogue was to then discuss how we develop as a society, because like it or not there are kernels of truth that set back progress. Like it or not there are times when stereotypical roles are fulfilled almost exactly.


      • tabbyrenelle says:

        Yeah Mr. Deadman… and the kernel of truth is that sexism as you have come to accept it is not working in your online social interactions. DO NOT apologize to me. You need to read the book and view the video about the massive incarceration system and then after that you and I will go into feminist works. Please read and view and the you’ll be adept at speaking to someone like me. Currently I’m being very very cool with you, but I’m out of your league. So catch up to me, boy-o or remain stupid. You’re version of the world doesn’t fly. It’s crashing. Come to the light….


      • tabbyrenelle says:

        Aw go to hell and suck lemons Mr. Deadman.

        Did I call you stupid? I don’t recall typing hat…

        Maybe it’s just the feeling you get after acting like your input about stereotypes matters when you admit you’re a sexist. I mean that’s pretty stupid.

        You’re trolling.


      • tabbyrenelle says:

        follow up comment 2 0f 2: I see reading back over my previous comment, Mr. Deadman that I did type “or remain stupid”so you’re right I called you stupid. It would be stupid to continue to perpetuate and justify your use of stereotypes and sexism after you’ve been told about your transgressions. So, it’s up to you. Be stupid or get smarter.

        Okay, there is my clarification and now you can go suck lemons Boy-o.


    • tapeparade says:

      Whilst I appreciate that all women have to put up with a certain amount of racist bullshit, I do think there is a whole sub-genre of exclusively racist content and judgement, as I discussed in depth in my article.

      Liked by 3 people

    • tabbyrenelle says:

      Again, hello Mr. Deadman… so example: Donald Trump is running for president in the U.S. and he goes to this Iowa fair to campaign…and there are these “trailer trash types” loving him (as seen on news reports). Trump’s racist and sexist. Maybe you’ve heard what he said about Mexicans and women. The “poor trailer trash types” that support him, of which there are many, will never never never never be helped by him, and would vote against their best interests, but they feel they are part of an entitlement and he expresses their “anger” it has been reported. Anger over what? Over brown people and women. Trailer trash types aren’t experiencing racism. They face prejudice(s), and oppressions, but they still claim superiority over Mexicans and black people and bi-racial people, and Native Americans, and Asians etc. And usually they are binary thinkers stuck in gender roles making them sexist.

      White women experience sexism and so can relate to or empathize with racism due to the patriarchal structures and white supremacist systems… but they do not experience racism.

      White supremacist systems are systemic and they include sexism and racism by design.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mr. Deadman says:

        It’s says a lot about American society when trailer trash have supremacy over Mexicans, black people, and other minorities. What do we do? How do we get ride of racism? It doesn’t seem like we can if any specific group has power as in Whites have power.


  8. Jasmine S. says:

    This really resonated with me. My dad is from Bangladesh and my mom is from the Philippines. My last name is Stavinoha but my maiden name is Khan. Grew up in a small, conservative Texas town where people would see my dad and yell at him to go back to where he came from, and spent my entire life feeling self conscious about myself and my identity. It’s hard to explain to people what it feels like to walk into a room and immediately feel aware that you aren’t a white American, even among friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. bill theunfetteredpreacher cote says:

    I thank you for writing this. I never would have guessed so many of these remarks would be received as offensive. Dumb, I know, I think some are just nervous noise, not meant to offend but trying to put ourselves at ease and wouldn’t be said once we knew you.

    Stupid maybe, but not meant to be hurtful. I am so sorry.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. gemzybooh1989 says:

    You see this all to often and it make my bloody curdle. Skin colour is merely that a colour. It does not make us different as humans and I do not understand why people feel the need to bring it up in conversation. The sooner racism is eradicated the better. People learn to hate nobody is born with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. beachyhappiness says:

    I can totally relate to your words, Laila.
    When people ask where I am from, I tell them Germany. Some people leave it that way but most people jump right to the next question: “But you don’t look german. Where are you really from?”
    This leads to an explanation about my whole family background…it never really bothered me before but meanwhile I can’t stand it.
    And yes, the fact that I am something between black and white is quite irriating and makes me “different” and “unfitting” in a way. Fortunatly for me I never had to hear comments like you have heard from other people. That’s harsh and mean and I hate that there are people out there, who can’t think twice or say something that is actually hurtful.
    Thanks for this article! :)

    Liked by 1 person

  12. ziyaa14 says:

    Well according to me, you are really pretty not just by the way you look also by the way you think, people on all the stages of your life are going to judge you, all you gotta do is just hear them out, not listen. Let it not affect the beauty of your heart. :)


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