Frankfurt germany myzeil christmas market shopping winter wonderlandSeptember marks the end of beds. The fall of rain. The switch to darkness when I wander home from work, the start of lights on for motorways. The end of laughter down the hall and protein shakes in the kitchen. The sunglasses are out of my bag, instead replaced with an ever-present umbrella. I remember a younger me who came to relish September, the promise of fresh starts, breakfast in coffee shops. New pencilcases, walnuts in salads, poetry readings, looking forward to winter coat weather and frosty hands on playgrounds. I do not relish those things anymore.

This September is different. Journeying halfway across the world to solve a dilemma I do not fully understand. Sifting through my belongings and photographing them in the hope that some stranger may want them in their hands instead. Confronting the cold in my heart, the grit that has not really lodged since last November. The long game of scheduling when I would rather just write songs all day, songs I can not write because nobody wishes to hear. The pain sure to be stirred by the arrival of orange on the trees. Committing my frenzied, troubled thoughts to tape and airing my hard-won work to a discerning and unwilling audience. Worrying about fronting poorly-attended gigs. I’m restless, and there seems to be little left to come. Maybe this is the danger of living constantly in the moment, or just a comedown from summer, or just spiralling thoughts on a rainy Tuesday night whilst the boys move out.

12 thoughts on “September

  1. SJ711 says:

    Isn’t it funny how one month can be so different and mean something so different from one person to another?? While the northern hemisphere go into autumn and head for winter, we’re looking forward to spring and summer.


  2. Denise says:

    I am sure many people want to listen to your songs! I would! Also, you write so fantastically, have you ever considered writing a book? Well, the blog may be a book, in some way, but a poetry or chronicles’ book… I hope you feel fine, dear Laila. I am also looking forward to the coat-wheather…


  3. anne-marie says:

    it’s back
    it’s back to school
    it’s back last holiday
    this is the beginning of the fall and winter
    this is the beginning of gray weather and rain
    this is the beginning of the cold
    this is the beginning of dark thoughts
    this is the beginning of my depression


  4. Dulce says:

    September used to be one of my favorite months, but since 2010, it only brings fear of rain, bad memories of lossing things, and the constant necessity of check the news, wish september would be different, whatever you’re going through, I wish you the best and send you good vibes and love :)


  5. Reshma says:

    You are a great writer… a talent not many have. This old quote came to mind, “life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about dancing in the rain.” I know, not as easy as it seems. But use whatever you are feeling to your advantage and to continue to write. I hope it will help you through this September. :)


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