The Easter Vegan

Happy Vegan Easter! At least 5 people have now told me directly that I’m obviously going to have a shit Easter because I’m vegan. This is absolute crap, and as I’m sure you know by now, I never met a piece of crap I didn’t want to call out. I thought I’d quickly debunk their ridiculous points in case any of you were sat at home feeling sorry for egg-less, bunny-less, crazy hippie vegan me. Please note, everything I’ve said below I also said back to the people in question.

You can’t eat any chocolate eggs! What’s the point of Easter without chocolate? Vegan chocolate is great, and it exists, and it’s great, and it tastes no difference to “normal” milk chocolate. People think we’re limited to carob (what even is carob), or weird blocks of soil-like cardboard. Errrr no, vegan chocolate tastes the same, if not better, because no murdered/grossly mutilated/depressed animals were involved. I actually had three chocolate bunnies (white, dark and honeycomb chocolate), a pack of buttons and an Easter egg yesterday.

But you could have had so much more chocolate! You had such a small amount of Easter goodies! I’ll be honest here – yes I could have, and I did see a lot of my friends sharing pictures of 40 kilos of foil-clad chocolate eggs, but (and I know this is hard to believe) I genuinely didn’t want that much chocolate. The me-not-eating-my-weight-in-chocolate thing had nothing to do with a lack of vegan chocolate and was more of a I-don’t-want-to-feel-horrific-this-evening. But thanks for your concern!

You can’t have a good Easter roast!  So for me personally, I didn’t grow up eating any of the traditional “roasted” meats like lamb, beef, pork, steak (is steak a roast? I have no idea, I’m making this up), so I genuinely don’t know what it involves. But I’ve never missed it, and I don’t think Easter needs to revolve around a roast – in my house there was never an “Easter Roast” and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t damaged me as a person…

What about your fried egg and bacon on Easter Sunday morning? Actually this weekend I tried “Cheatin’ Bacon” for the first time IN MY LIFE. Also, egg production routinely involves male chicks being ground up alive and fed back to their parents. That is the stuff of nightmares and definitely not what I want on my plate.

What about a chocolate egg hunt? Errrr first of all I’m not 7. secondly I CAN STILL DO THIS IF I WANT I CAN JUST GET NON-DAIRY EGGS.

Easter is all about the eggs. Why do you hate eggs? U r a stoopid egg-h8r rahhhhhhh vegans r poopy  Ok, thanks mystery caller for your insight (this was an anonymous blog comment I received yesterday). Ok, good news – I’m writing a blog about eggs so we can all learn why I love/hate eggs together. Ain’t that peachy?


I’d like to finish with a couple of things for you to consider as we all sit around sharing photos of cute, springtime animals.

Bunnies – if you love bunnies so much, why not boycott shops that sell angora wool sourced from screaming, dying, grossly neglected bunny rabbits?

Calves – dairy milk is sourced from mummy cows who live horrible lives, have been artificially inseminated and torn apart from their babies (babies normally then killed). Milk also drains resources such as water and food whilst simultaneously destroying the environment. Just pack it in! Is it really worth it for an egg when you can vegan chocolate?

Chicks – Somebody genuinely shared a photo of baby chicks on my Facebook timeline yesterday about two hours after chastising me for being vegan. Do you know where your eggs come from? Want to watch a video of male and female chicks being separated on a conveyor belt, with the male chicks being thrown into a machine where they are ground up, alive, and fed back to other animals?

Click here for a few more things to think about this Spring…

If you’re as horrified as I am by the above then do the only thing you can really do – stop supporting it. These practises only go on because more people pay money for it to happen than stop paying money and take a stand against it – until the people saying “this is wrong” are in the majority, nothing will change.

Happy Easter!