I’ve got quite an honest and wordy post for you today! I’ve been trying to lose weight since the start of this year and I’ve been finding it very hard. I’ve never tried to lose weight before and rarely study my appearance or my shape (beyond a general knowledge that I’m curvy). I don’t weigh myself, and I’ve tended to “feel” about the same height, weight and shape since about the age of 16 – I still have a lot of clothes from then that I wear regularly. I don’t do exercise or watch my calorie intake or anything; I’ve just always been around the same size.
After my best friend died in November, I found it very difficult to eat or sleep and I stopped going out as much. When I did eat it was at random times and often accompanied by an extra beer or slice of cake. As I got into my winter clothes, I noticed a lot were tighter, and I started feeling fatter, so I decided to weigh myself. I was shocked to see I was nearly 2 and a half stone heavier than when I last weighed myself (early 2012). 2 and a half stone! Whilst I can’t be sure, I think most of that weight was gained towards the end of 2014 because up until then I’d felt the same and all of my clothes still fit.
I felt horrible. I’m aware there are a lot of fatshion blogs out there and a lot of people are proud to be overweight, and don’t get me wrong – that’s great for them. But for me, I have a number of family members who are overweight and obese, and I’ve seen the mobility problems, knee replacements, gastric bypasses, inability to travel, insecurity and depression that comes with it. I’m not saying those things are a given for every overweight person but it’s certainly a trend in my family, and it’s not a life I want.
I then read a few inspiring blog posts about people shedding the pounds just by adopting a healthier diet or taking up a fitness class. These people were surprised and happy at what eating healthily and walking more could achieve. These posts were universally written by people who (by their own admissions) ate a lot of burgers, meat, desserts etc and did little to no exercise as part of their weekly routine. I set off into the world of weight loss feeling initially inspired by these people – for about a week.
The problem is, I’m pretty healthy already! I soon realised none of the “magic” of “a few small changes” applied to me – on the whole I eat a healthy and balanced veg diet and I drink a hell of a lot of water. The thought of willingly engaging in exercise during my precious free time makes me feel sad, but I rack up about 8,000-12,000 steps on an average day running around between work and I do a lot of cycling – so I’m not exactly “sedentary”. This wasn’t the case in those first two months after I lost my friend, but I’ve returned to my usual way of life as of January and dropped a few (7) pounds going back to my normal schedule. That’s not much of a dent in two and a half stone! I couldn’t find any blogs by people who already led a healthy active lifestyle and had randomly gained weight they were then trying to shift.
I then downloaded an app called MyFitnessPal which I have been using for the last 2 weeks (essentially you just write down everything you eat), as well as the NHS BMI tracker (confirmation that I’m overweight!). Progress is varied! Having to remember what I’ve eaten and write it all down is a bit of a faff but it’s made me curb myself a bit I guess? I’d love to say it’s making a big difference but progress is SLOW. I’m a hugely impatient person and it’s very frustrating feeling like not much is happening, especially when I feel surrounded by these miracle cases on other blog posts.
So, I thought I’d share this post – I apologise if it sounds grumpy but I guess I’m just finding it HARD and I couldn’t see anything reflecting that. If anybody has had any similar experiences or advice you’d be willing to share I’d be so appreciative! I’m really not the fitness type – I’d never go for a quick run if it meant losing a quick nap, but I do want to get back to my old self. So please, if any of this resonates with you then let me know – sharing is caring. And thanks for reading this behemoth! X